The Way We Fight
by Rs223
Summary: Is it possible to hate someone for what they could do in the future? James and Lily Potter died. Instead of the afterlife, they reemerge in a painful moment of their fifth year in their younger bodies. Their goal: Defeat Albus Dumbledore and Lord Voldemort.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. J.K. Rowling does.**

AN- The story will switch between James and Lily's point of view each chapter. The something of something chapters will be in James perspective and the mood named chapters will contain Lily's.

Chapter One: The Suffocation of Reality

Death by the Avada Kevadra is painless. My experience with it contained a light lost of breath and then nothing. Gone went the scarlet eyes of my killer. A majestic bear replaced him and my fierce wife.

My wife is a woman who saw things that most people ignore. She recognized the relationship between Voldemort's goals and muggle-scumbag Hitler's regime. Late one night after sex, she described her horrible consensus that someday Voldemort will become as strong as Hitler once was in Germany and force muggle-borns like herself into places worst than Knockturn Alley. She understood the low expectations purebloods expected from muggle-borns. The cost purebloods would experience since they spent their entire lives ignoring the achievements of muggles. The eventual reality of wizard society becoming unrecognizable and way far behind compared to the muggle world.

Lily questioned everything. She wondered about how spells shoot across a room and how the Protego created a barrier. She never accepted the explanation that magic was the sole answer for the phenomenon. During those many lonely days in hiding, while I played around with Harry, she studied about the physics involved in spells. Her discovery about the friction created by the force of the Protego barrier revealed that a tenser flick of the wand allowed the Protego to last longer and spread farther. She even was in the beginning stages of a ward that would protect people from physical interference along with spells that would work in every day life.

I am more of a man who lives by the fly. I enjoyed playing around instead of comforting more serious problems. I complied with the vision of a member of a light-sided pureblood. Instead, of taking charge in changing the view on the necessities of wizards understanding the gifts of the muggle world. I never really cared about that world, viewing muggles weaker because they could not accomplish magical marvels. What a fool I was ignoring the world right beside my own.

My creativity ranged more in starting daring actions to amuse my peers. My favorite way was to spin dishes full of food to whirl around in the air like bludgers. Once I did that in the middle of dinner at my wizarding school called Hogwarts. That dinner potato guck and treacle tart pits splattered throughout the room stimulating a large food fight.

Now in the afterlife, a great grizzly bear informs Lily and I the errors of the group we died for, the man we fought for and the way we fought.

"You two are not good or evil, just ignorant. Lead by a witty man with a horrible plan. I am alarmed how so many people in the world you lived ignored what was right in front of them," said the bear.

"What do you mean?" Lily questioned. Ah, inquisitive as always.

"I mean. I rather you guess. Rather more amusing for a grim messenger, like I. Think of a man who rules with seemingly benevolent, but is forceful and intolerant to those who refuse his desires," divulged the bear.

"Harold Minchum," Lily guessed at once. "I thought he was a great person. The ideal Minister of Magic. I even named my son after him because of his benevolent speeches and his thrill for providing justice. But then I learned how he treated his daughter. Poor Nathalie. She was nine and too inexperience to save her brother from those Death Eaters. But he blamed her and ridiculed her anyway. And adding those Dementors to Azkaban, just horrible."

I remember the day we decided to name Harry after him. How happy we were to name him after such an ideal citizen. Minchum despised blood puritists and constantly urged for equality. We were infuriated, Lily especially, after the release of the horrible story of Nathalie Minchum.

One day Death Eaters kidnapped Nathalie and her brother Robert. The usually torture occurred in their story. Rape, Cruciatus curses, tied up to dead bodies. They inflicted horrors upon horrors. Finally, Robert was killed and Aurors rescued Nathalie. Nathalie's eyes, from the photo in the newspaper detailing her story, sprung up in my memory. Those dull eyes encumbered by red and black shadows.

The bear shakes his head friskily. "No. Think deeper. Consider the leader of the light. The master of the school. Keeper of debts."

"Keeper of debts," I echoed. "Keeper of debts."

Debts: obligations between one person and another. One must fulfill a debt or be forever deprived of the satisfaction of returning a favor. Snape owes me a debt because I saved him from Moony. I resisted Dumbledore's order that Snape owe me a life debt because of my action. In the pureblood culture life debts do not have to occur, they come from both parties believing the debt is the best way to remain proper.

Dumbledore sneaked and talked to Snape privately before I could tell him that he owed me nothing. Dumbledore forced Snape to honor a life debt. At the time, I regarded the event as bothersome but unimportant. Now, I deducted from the bear's description of a foe. The mention of a 'benevolent' corresponded with the typical adjective to describe the Headmaster. 'School' meant the person the bear was warning about worked at a school. Certainly, the school Lily and I became educated together at. Those facts forced me to consider my role model as a possible enemy.

Further disturbing occurrences spun through my mind. Dumbledore taking my family indivisibly cloak when he could conceal himself with the disillussionment charm in a second flat. Dumbledore asking me into his office to discus the inherent nefarious quality Slytherins acquire the moment they are chosen for the house. The time I was outside of Dumbledore's office and heard him say, "Obliviate."

"Dumbledore," I named.

'Yes," the bear cheered. "Excellent work young soul. To tell the truth I pictured your wife would guess the truth first. But, no matter. Yes. Dumbledore is evil and has a plan that you both must prevent."

Lily shook her head in disbelief and growled, "I don't believe you. James, this bear is just trying to trick us. This is just like some fairytale where an idiot listened to an animal that wants to trick them. Leave us alone." Lily slapped the bear. "We will not listen to your tricks."

The bear nodded his mouth and wrinkled his ears. "I understand. You need proof. I knew you were a worthy person. Perhaps, after you both accomplish my task, Lily, you can join the messengers."

"What are the messengers?" Lily wondered.

The bear smirked, "Guess."

"You tell the special few who get a second chance to make the world better some things they need to know before they return to the living world."

"Correct." The bear clapped. "Bravo."

He flicked his hand up and down like a conductor in an orchestra. The only reason I know about orchestras was because Sirius forced me to sneak into a concert once so he could chat with an attractive muggle girl. While they talked, I conversed with another muggle who described her career as a conductor.

A screen appeared before us. The same one from the cinema, Lily and I once had a date at. Long and thin with drapes of gray. On the screen, Albus Dumbledore appeared, whistling and chewing some lemon drops. Soon, a man entered the space with Dumbledore. The man was tall, handsome and lost out in the crazy hair gift. His hair was too short and straight. The two talked. Dumbledore refused his request for a date. The man had tears in his eyes, pleading his acceptance. "Remember you told me you wanted to bite into a sugar quill with me in the middle of Honeydukes. Share with the world our love"

Dumbledore patted the tearful man's hand and leaned in to kiss the man's lips. For three minutes the two kissed and more. Touching each other in a loving way.

"Tom," Dumbledore remarked at last. "I love you. I adore you. But we cannot be together. You at this school, knowing that I am too old for us to be happy together is painful. The only way I can find for us to be together is if you become immortal."

"Then I'll come immortal," Tom insisted. "I'll do anything for you."

Dumbledore smiled. "Fantastic. I have the perfect idea. Professor Slughorn knows about things called Horcruxes that can make someone immortal. Kindly ask him and I'll find some books to help." Dumbledore reach in his desk and gave out a fake gasp, "Oh, here's one."

Tom happily took the book and left Dumbledore's office. Once Tom departed, Dumbledore laughed and laughed. He leaned back in his chair and cheered, "Part two at creating the perfect dark lord, almost complete."

The screen flicked off and the bear looked at Lily, laying his head on her lap. "Do you now believe me?"

"I'm not sure," Lily admitted. "This scene appears real enough. I just can not believe anything I haven't heard firsthand."

The bear rose back in a sitting position and scratched his ears. "That's reasonable. As long as you know to know trust Dumbledore blindly, I'm good. Find out the truth for yourselves."

"So," I questioned. He shared us an interesting event and mentioned a task for us. "What do you want us to do?"

"Save the world," the bear requested. "I'm going to return you two to the past in your bodies at that time and hope your prior knowledge and your new knowledge about Dumbledore and Horcruxes remain. The major plan will be your own. Defeat Voldemort. Defeat Dumbledore. Encourage weak-minded individuals like Pettigrew to become better. Encourage the weak to become stronger. James, try to not judge people because of your feelings for them. Lily you need to trust your husband. Your secret does not have to hinder your spirit forever."

"We will," Lily promised.

"We will," I reiterated.

"Good," the bear smirked. "One last thing, to help you on your quest, you will receive certain silent visitors."

"Silent visitors," I asked. "Who?"

"You'll see," the bear stated.

I lunged at him, grabbing his paw. "Tell us."

The bear snorted and ripped his paw from mine. The bear turned to Lily and looked blankly into her eyes as if he was waiting for a miracle. Then, the bear deflated and scrunched into a ball.

I heard chirping and soon I was spinning and spinning and spinning. Lights of many colors squirted before. Yellow. Blue. Red. Green.

Silence then a burst of noise. The smell of dirt and grass clogged my nostrils. Sunlight burned my eyes. Lily's anger voice shouted and stopped mid-speech. She looked into my eyes and ran to hug me.

"James," she cried as I weeped "Lily."


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer- I do not own Harry Potter. J.K. Rowling does. **

Chapter Two: Joy

I could complain for hours about the problems in the wizarding world.

The classist society is unbearable and rude to people belonging to both the non-magical and magical world. The society is tarnished with a practice of blaming problems on muggle-borns. The school is divided into factions that refuse to cooperate. Years I spent in this world as an outlier. I began unaware of the danger that I would soon encounter these past few years. I wear injuries and scars thanks to blood puritists. The lost of friendship because I could not bear my former best friend who lived for those ideals. The ideal that muggles are worthless and there is no point in learning their culture. The ideal that magic is a gift wasted on the muggle-borns. People often accused me of stealing magic that caused a family member to become a disgraced squib.

Yet, the magical world has one mark that depicts a society that is above prejudice. They could not care less if someone loves a person of the same gender. The wizard-raised do not care. They find nothing wrong. They do not even for a second consider it a diseased or homosexuals as disturbed. Today, I watched James face remain passive as he saw Dumbledore snog poor Tom. He only scrunched his nose in disgust for Dumbledore when he expressed delight in disregarding love and love for defiling virtue.

I remember in my sixth year when I discovered my closes friend Marlene McKinnon snogging another girl in our year. The girl, a Ravenclaw named Rebecca Dawes, and Marlene saw me and laughed. Soon, they explained that their sexual preference caused no problems. "Sure there are more guys and girls marriages. But if someone likes someone of the same gender than that's life. People like who people like."

Now, though, Marlene looks at me like I am nuts. Her eyebrows are raised and she is frowning.

I guess if I was fifteen-year-old me I would be too.

"Oh she finally stopped being such a tool! You go man."

And too bad there is sexist comments. Still, I am used to them. And they never go off scot-free. Smiling, I walk over to the commenter and mock, "The only tool is you. Now, go off and learn that picking on people will get you nowhere."

I could do more, but I have other priorities.

Like mourning. Not now. Not before a crowd.

Strong. I must be strong. Yet, the memory of Harry's face covers my vision and reminds me that I lost. I lost my little boy. I failed what I promised to do.

And I just had to run, like a silly girl, to James arms. I need to go back with the only one who knows. I rush back and relax again in his arms. I need some moments to recharge. To smell James's pear and cinnamon scent. Younger James most likely completed his purge for poach pear. Yum.

Yet, what if I'm wrong and I stuck myself against the irksome tonsil scratcher. No. James cannot be. But I could expect that from a questionable bear. Sure bears are totems for leadership and courage. Sure bears honor healing through meditation. Sure bears represent the characteristics I aim for.

But I also know that trust should not be given lightly. Broken trust tore my sister and I apart. My trust in Peter caused my inability to clutch Harry again. See him wretch the house again on a toy broom. What I want is to go back to earlier tonight, knowing what I know, and escape to Sirius's flat. Instead, the bear just had to make us teenagers again.

I guess I have my part of the blame. The bear did warn me. He imposed into my dreams a few days ago and urged me to gather my family and escape Britain. At the very least, I should trust that the bear cares.

What is important now is making sure my James is with me. I could discern this James is mine by saying Harry, but knowing James he could just fake his way. He always carried the best stamina. While I need breaks, he could work two days straight without breaking a sweat. Right now I want some lovely reflection time.

No, I need to act. Regain my sensible, no nonsense image. Depart from the joy of being in my husband's arms.

I echo my stance from the time right before our first kiss. Hands on my hips, body forward. "You ought to brush your hair,"

James winks. "You gotta stop, um, yodeling, no, um, bellowing, no, oh right, yelling."

Yes! I lean in and press his lips against his. When James and I kiss, it is unlike everything else we do. Done with peace and ease. No thinking. No trying to one up each other. Just do.

That is the problem with joy. Even when you plan to remain composed, the emotion curbs control.

Noisy reactions surround us. Laughter. Yelling. Whistling. Gasping. Sobbing. Hollering of more vulgar comments.

I raise my head and stumble as a sobbing girl stomps to James and me. Her blond hair flying and she stops in front of us. I vaguely recognize her as the girl I heard talk to her redhead friend about how Tyler Abbot would always shrivel and blush in her presence. She places her wand against my throat. I disarm her and warn lightly, "Just say what you want to say and I'll give it back."

She does not listen. Instead she throttles her arm over mind and pushes me down. My throat releases an instinctive gasp of pain. If I was in my older body, ridden by war, I would be fine. Instead, I am stuck experiencing anguishing pain with no physical endurance.

James levitates her off me. Thank goodness. It is way to difficult to do that when a person is on you.

James screams at the girl, "Merlin, Jessica." He screams at her more. I do not know what else he says because my attention drifts elsewhere.

I first find James's old snitch on the ground. Sirius, Remus and Peter next to it. Sirius's mouth is open wide. Remus gazes at me with a clocklike ticking of his head. Peter just sits and plays with the grass. I turn and I finally realize the moment we returned to. The moment James bullied Severus, I defended him, Severus called me mudblood and I became too exhausted.

I tried so hard to help Severus. Stay a good friend. I tried over and over to transmit into his mind the wrongness of his ideals. I repeated many times that his prejudice against muggles and muggle-borns was corrupting him. All to prevent him from becoming what he became.

That day I realized that I was not strong enough to make him the person I wanted him to be.

Currently, Severus hangs upside down and drifts in the air. He gazes straight at me with open lips and redden, flickering eyes. His hand on his wand pointed directly at James.

Oh. Now its James turn for a scuffle.

Severus flicks his wand at the same time I say, "Expel…"

I am too late. Blood pours from a cut in James back. James turns from the blond girl and notices Severus.

"Oh, Snape," James cries. "I forgot about you. How about we say, I leave you alone, you leave me alone and we're all good. Cause I don't think Lily would really like us to fight."

Severus just glares.

"Oh, yeah," James shouts. "Here you go." James waves the counter curse that brings Severus standing on the ground.

Severus scurries over to James and a duel begins. Soon flashes of lights are everywhere. Then, James delivers a Protego with extra force sending Severus falling backwards onto the ground.

James throws his hands high above his head. Like a pro-wrestler he shouts, "Yes. I am the charms master."

Well, James tries to bellow it low like he does in the future. Instead, but squeaky tinges dominate his voice. He sounds like a train tracks squealing to a stop.

The observers clap. James ignores them and walks up to me. "Sorry, he started it."

"I know. I just wish things could be easier. I'll talk to him. I won't try to get you to like each other, but I will try." I lower my voice and whisper in his ear, "to make him no become what he became." Louder. "And it doesn't matter who started it. You fool."

James and I laugh. My stomach begins to churn. I place my hand on James shoulder to remain standing. I whisper, "I think the time travel is ruining my coordination."

"Mine too," James whispers back. "I almost fell face first on Jessica."

"Jessica?"

"The girl you briefly fought," James answers. "She and I snogged sometimes fifth year. Nothing serious. Well, besides the talks we had late at night."

I shake my head. "You're just trying to make me jealous. Anyways, you talk with your friends, I'll talk with mind and we'll meet at the place tonight to plan."

"Sounds good." James nods.

I rush over to Severus and begin to heal his cuts from the brief fight. I am not ready to talk to him. What can I say? Last time we were not speaking when I dated James. Now I appear like I just betrayed him. Last time I gave up. Now, I will not. During the brief period I was in death's realm, I realized I wanted to save every one of my friends. By the time the war was over, Voldemort dead, and Dumbledore, if he is truly evil, was committed for his crimes, all my friends will live.

"Enervate," I say quietly. Immediately, Severus eyes open. I stare into the eyes I missed the last few years. The eyes that promised adventure, promised magic, promised friendship.

Severus is neither great nor horrible. He is callous, driven, and unlucky. And now he saw me with his worst enemy before our friendship officially ended. What can I do to keep him from becoming a Death Eater who murders, tortures and ruins lives?

"Don't call me mudblood," I demand. I could not stand for a repeat of that incident.

"I would never," Severus whispers.

He would. He did. It does not seem right, Severus calling me that word when I defended him and to not when I revealed love for James.

"I'm sorry," I share. "I'm sorry I haven't told you yet. We were just acting like we didn't care for each other. And today I couldn't stop myself. I'm sorry about what James and his friends did in the past. What I'm doing today and from now. I wish…"

Severus interrupts, "How could you? He is fooling with you. Potter cares only about his own worthless hide." He sits up on his knees and points his finger at me. "I bet you're under some lovespell. I get you out Lily."

"No." I shake my head. I grab his hand. "It's not like that Snape."

"Snape," Severus echoes. Oh, right, I only call him that because the last few years I did not want to deal with saying his first name. Great. Now he will suppose even more betrayal. "He bullied me because I exist. You heard him. I choked on soap bubbles. And now your acting just like they did nothing wrong.. You not suppose to be like this. Lily, what happened to you?"

"I learned," I sigh. "That people are more than who they act like. James is. You are. I am. I learned that I couldn't judge people because of who they were when they were young. I wish I could get you two to like each other. To make you see my decision as not a betrayal. But I can't. But please, stay my friend."

"No," Severus roars. "Your mine. Not his. I won't let him have you."

What? Severus would never say something like that. Yet, he did. I scream, "How dare you? Talk like I'm an object. I get your mad."

I cannot stand to sit here by him anymore. All over again I realize why I gave up. Severus lives in a fantasy world where he is the tragic hero, I am his future wife, Voldemort is the savior, other Slytherins are misjudged knights and the marauders are the devils punished in hell. I could not figure out how to bring him back to reality. But I will. Once I determine how.

I walk away. I know I should do what I plan and set him straight. I know. I know.

I find my friends sitting back at the lake. Marlene and Cassie Jennings are flicking breadcrumbs into the lake. Talia Sewlyn reads over her Transfiguration notes. Mary McDonald plays with some shrubs.

"Hi." I break into my friends' space and sit by Marlene. I grab some breadcrumbs from the ground by Marlene's knee and throw it to the top of the giant squibs nostrils.

"Wow," Cassie cries. "How did you do that Lily? Perfect aim."

"Practice," I explain. "I had been working on my hand-eye coordination."

I feel awkward sitting among them all again. Not long after we said goodbye at the train station after seventh year, Marlene and I joined the Order and the others explored more mundane occupations. Mary left to work as an assistant at the Ministry. Cassie joined Zonkos staff; she had a gift at innovating products. Talia joined a magical writers union. Besides Marlene, I only talked to them through letters that shortened over time. The worst is seeing Marlene alive again. Just two weeks before I had a freak out in my house over her murder. Hah. Maybe there is some good in time travel.

I spend the afternoon sharing about James. They take it in their own way. Marlene asks if I am all right, am I sure? Mary giggles and asks about his talents. Cassie hollers and babbles about how glad she is that I finally accepted him. Talia looks at me curious. I can tell she knows something is up. Well, I know her. Talia will allow me to share if I want to. She is the polite, quiet type balanced with intellectual creativity.

Today sitting with them brings me peace I need to rewind.

_Tomorrow_, I promise myself, _I will find out the truth about Dumbledore. I will plan with James. No more waiting by. I will fight._

But. What about Harry? Water corrodes my eye. I faintly hear my friends trying to comfort me. I do not care. My failure consumes me. I do not deserve my earlier joy.

I will fight to never loose a child again.

AN- Jocabxleah, - thanks for the encouragement. Also, thanks everyone who followed and favorited.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter. J.K. Rowling does.

AN- Nightwing27 thanks for the reviews. I hope you continue to like this story.

Chapter Three: The Danger of Scorn

To be younger again is both a pleasure and a nightmare.

All those months stuck in my house I wished I could return to this type of setting. Where there is a crowd around me that watch me with complete attention. The public admiration I needed so much the past few years when it soared into oblivion. Everyone alive. Not a dead body in sight. Most people linger content in the summer's breeze. No injured people standing strong despite their throbbing arms.

I return to my friends. Sirius grins and slaps me on the back. Unlike the last time we met, Sirius is not worried he would hit a stringing hex residue. His carefree attitude is not tired with fear and sorrow. Remus gives me a smile. Not that angry expression I last saw when I visited his flat a few days ago. Peter shuffles his feet and offers a simple congratulation. He is not rushing away with skittish steps.

Yet, my friends and peers are different not because the war finished, but for what they do not know. All the work we accomplished the last few years are worthless. The steps I made to cause Sirius to not scorn Lily. The days I trained Remus to become a decent Keeper. The nights I studied with Peter so he could pass the Transfiguration N.E.W.T years. A cheerful baby crawls... _No. Not that._ Gone.

Worst my memory of fifth year is a scattered mess. I see mountains of carefree days and successful pranks. I see myself asking Lily for dates. I see long nights where I am angry with my father for a reason I now do not recall. Tasting Jessica's lips after huddling with her in a corner of a hallway. These memories have little meaning. They do not matter to me now. But they affect my hope for a relaxing social life while Lily and I fight a war.

I wish I could return to those boring days that just ended a few hours ago. For then I did not have to worry about school. I did not have to live on rewind.

But I can do this. I am the master at concealing fear. Simple. I leave observers laughing.

Close by my friends is Jessica Cobalt. She taps her feet furiously on the grass. I guess she ignored my pleas to not destroy our friendship. Her friend Nora Balderas waits next to her. Both girls are Hufflepuffs in my year. Jessica is a muggle born like Lily. Back in my fifth, I enjoyed her easy-going nature and her talent in explaining muggle trivia. She aspires the position of Minster of Magic and dislikes physical violence. Nora is different. She will punch any bloke who irks her. Most forget that fact because most of the time she acts as a quirky redhead. Her family is the major player in the Spanish wizarding world's politics and planed for her to join the military council. Nora could care less since she was more intoned with providing insights at random moments.

The most meaningful memory I have of Nora is her shouting to me during a party in the Hufflepuff common room. We were sitting underneath a couch waiting to pounce on Jessica when Nora murmured; "Sometimes I wonder why we do these stupid tricks on our friends. Then, I remember is a way to let off our adrenaline so we don't spend our nights as insomniacs and to escape reality. Still, I think you should tell your father to stop demanding that you accomplish everything he never did but always wanted to do. Oh, I know, he's nicer with Sirius because he expects less."

My anxiety for my home life problems dissolved after that.

Now, Jessica reaches me. Her nose is by my chest as her eyes glare at mine. Nora stands at her heals. Nearby, Sirius, Remus and Peter lurk ready to defend me. I can hear onlookers chatting their curious ideas for the alternation.

My first moment of rewind: the Jessica Screw-Up. Well, I will not allow Jessica the first word. She fingered in enough words both today and in sixth-year. And definitely not what I said last time about raspberries. "Look, don't be angry at Lily."

Jessica leaned closer and shouts in my ear, "I'm not. She's such a sweet girl. I am furious at you, you scumbag. You use girls like trash. I can't believe I was once sorry for you."

Oh please. Like she is the first person to say that. So many people like to blame me for their pain simply because I messed with them a few times. Really people need to learn that if they are not happy, it is because they do not try to live for themselves.

"Listen Jess," I respond. "Don't go bonkers over nothing."

"Nothing," Nora sneers. She clutches her friend's shoulder. "This is not nothing. Jess loved you. Despite your vainness that I know now is the truth."

I sigh. This whole discussion feels pointless. War is much more purposeful than this childish squabble. "We just talked and kissed like once. Jess, you didn't have to put it out of reason."

Jessica snickers. "Great just great. Acting all high and mighty are you. Well just you wait. I will…"

I grin. "Like you can do anything to me."

Jessica leans and whispers into my ear, "You don't fear me, huh? Well, fear this. Someday I and everyone you wronged are going to get you?"

That was rather blunt.

I prepare a cheeky answer when a phantom of Marlene McKinnon materializes in front of me. Not the sixteen-year-old Marlene I saw a few minutes ago. No, a mostly white ghost blighted with three dark brown burn marks on her face. Her appearance thrusts me into my memory of the moment Lily learned about the McKinnon family massacre.

That day I entered to our living room where Lily petted our owl Aziza and softly sung for a sleeping Harry. Once Lily noticed the silver letter in my hand, she grabbed it. She fiddled at the rip shreds of paper on the envelope and sobbed, "Who now?"

I stayed silent and waited as she read the letter. Once she finished Lily dropped the letter on the floor. She stared at me, her emerald eyes glistening. She spat on the floor and abruptly ran upstairs. I followed not knowing anything that could help her.

Lily slammed our bedroom door to my face. "I don't want to talk to you James." Bitter cries ranged from her in that room. "You ruined my life. All this fighting and what for? My only true friend is dead. I'm dead. Your dead. Your world's war is slowly killing us all."

"Lily, love," I replied, trying hard to sound conciliatory. All I managed was soft and bothered. "Everything will be all right. I promise you. Soon this war will end. But you can't give up. Marlene wouldn't want you to. Live for her. You still have me, Harry, Alice and everyone else worth needing."

Lily spent a few minutes sobbing before going quiet for an hour. I remained outside pathetic knowing I was could do nothing right. Do nothing good to make her happy again.

Finally, Lily said bitterly, "Maybe this is what I deserve. I believed so highly of myself. Thinking I was so much better, but I'm so much worse."

That was Lily, thinking the worst about who she is during the hardest times.

Lily began her next lines from that day when a voice intrudes, "Prongs? Knock out of it. You're freaking us out. Are you really letting that twat get to you?"

I say out of memory. "No, Lily, your not. You don't deserve this. Fighting my world's fight."

"Prongs? Prongs?" The voice gains a higher octave. "We're not Evans."

The bedroom door disappears and is replaced with Sirius's worried face. I feel Remus's hand squeeze my shoulder. I ignore them for I remember Mad-Eye Moody shared that a traitor caused the McKinnion's death. I slam before Peter's face. My hand wants to blame him for something he never did. Bu I cannot. Instead, I lower my hand to take my old snitch from Peter's hand. I move away from him. I watch the snitch float and grasp it again and again. My anger dissipates because he is my friend no matter future him did. I just want to relax during this summer day.

"I'm fine," I state. "All scoot." Marauder's speak for 'Please ignore my momentary weirdness.' It's our mock for all the staff and peers who demanded that we do our work quicker instead of devising pranks. They tell us to hurry and we tell each other to forget the awkward situations.

"All right," Sirius nods. I can tell he wants to know more from the glint in his eye. "That was quite a show you and Evans did out there. I am bored no longer."

"It was amazing," Peter recites in awe.

"It was strange," Remus remarks. "To see Lily go from you so arrogant to I want to hug you."

"She got tired of acting," I explain. Remus nods as if that makes sense.

"So how did you get Evans to stop being a prune?" Sirius looks curious. His heels hopping up and down.

"Um." We made out one night in the Prefect's bathroom. "We made out one night and since than. I have not clue why she relented."

Sirius jibes, "Really? That's it? There has to be more. A reason to keep it secret."

Great. Maybe Lily and I should have come up with a story in the one second we had to think. To ensure we gave the same reason a secret we never kept.

Sirius's mention of secret reminds me that the bear mentioned Lily had a secret. Truly I am not surprised. I still keep secrets from her. Like the time Remus almost bit Snape because of Sirius. Anyways, Lily can keep hers; it must be personal.

That's it. "I'll tell you guys in the dorm tomorrow after I talk to Lily. It's a really personal story." Best to change the topics. "You know, Remus is right. We really should study."

"No," Sirius exclaims. "Please tell me Evans did not turn you into a geek."

I laugh. "Nope. I thought we could do a transfiguration duel. Something more entertaining."

They all relent. Peter looks at bit worried. Makes sense for he has affinity with messing up spells. He always was the weak one. But he is my friend. The bear's sentiment is right. Anyone who dismisses dark magic and does not try to control others deserves a chance. But I only will do so much. I never liked the idea of causing people to be a certain way. That provides me an idea; I need to make sure he knows he is appreciated so he would never betray me like his future self. That will show I care without forcing him to act a certain way. "We should split into teams. Me and Wormy against you two."

Peter's eyebrows perk up. "Great."

At the end of the afternoon, I wonder why I was so worried about living on rewind. I should have trusted myself that I would find away to make the past exciting. The afternoon was great. The crowd laughs and claps their hands. Peter almost created a successful flamingo and did make a cute matchbox that stuck to Sirius's hair. The four of us ended up laughing with all the transfigured animals, boards and other objects we created stampeding on us. That was the result of us levitating the objects all around.

The bright daylight over us begins to dim. Night is coming. We push all our objects into a pile on the grass. While I flick a pair of opera glasses into the pile, a Patronus appears. The strange Patronus glides towards me with four legs similar to a doe's and a face of a bear. Not just any bear's face; the messenger bear. The Patronus sighs in Lily's voice, "Tomorrow."

Perfect. More free time.

"Wow," Remus cries. "I never knew Patronus's could be two animals."

Me neither. "Lily's special," I explain.

In the middle of dinner, I fidget in my seat. I take back what I thought before. Somehow, my friends reach the same conversation we had this night after the horrible lake event. Guess the most prevalent news of this day is destined to become Nickolas Bones sneaking into his sister Amelia's ministry office. Merlin, it is not that interesting. He sneaks out one of our secret passages. All he does is talk to Amelia. No cool tricks. Nothing prevalent.

But my friends continue the conversation into the night. I try many times to change the topic. But for some reason they find the story compelling. After the eight try, they grind me for Lily related information. They continue to discuss the Bones event to spite my refusal to answer. Soon I nod along to their statements while I think about some ideas for fighting Voldemort and Dumbledore. Eventually, they go to bed. To tired to question why I remain in the common room.

The fire is why. So warm, so inviting.

Around midnight, I sit alone in the common room considering ridiculous scenarios where I confronted Dumbledore. In one, Lily and I sing a duel of "Tell us the truth, you marvelous wicked man. Tell us the truth, you sly Gryffindor."

When I hum that song to the tune of Trousers Get Some Witches's beloved song _One Blacken Yule_, I hear shouting from the entranceway. Mary MacDonald, the only other person in the room, stops reading her notes. We share a glance. Her face is eager, wide-eyed and smiling. Her expression beacons me into another scene.

A house settled surrounded by tree branches. The house was dark besides twin lamplights hanging near the door. Sirius and I hid behind a bush a good distance from the house waiting for Death Eaters. Sirius gave me a loose grin that I returned. Like Mary, Sirius was bouncing for action. I was too.

Earlier that day, the Order received news that the Death Eaters would try to recruit the neutral Davis family that night and kill Jeffrey Davis's muggle-born grandmother. We were there for the obvious task. Save Granny Davis. Despite her family's snakelike tendencies, she was a master pro-muggle-born advocate. The mission was our first without a supervisor.

Once Sirius and I saw two Death Eaters walk out the front door, we knew the Death Eaters arrived inside.

"Ready, Padfoot," I whispered loudly. "Lets get some snakes."

Sirius nodded. "But what about the checking spell?" He meant the spell the shared the number of awaiting people.

"Nah," I replied. "Screw protocol."

So we barged in through the door. The hall was small with some picture frames hanging on the wall. The Death Eaters immediately assaulted us from dark corners. Spells flew everywhere. I lowered against the ground so many times to sneak spells and to dodge them. As Sirius scurried upstairs to save Granny Davis, I skirmished with ten guards.

I charged five transfigured chains to strap five of the Death Eaters to the wall. Three missed and clanged against the floor. Two cluttered one Death Eater each. I quickly gathered their arms. Since I was preoccupied I provided another Death Eater the chance to bruise me. A brutish cut emerged on my arm.

I turned to find Death Eater rushing towards me, spells flying from his wand. Suddenly, the memory ends. He dissolves into a girl. His mask becomes Mary's scrunched face. A Mary no longer relaxed. Instead, she is a shaking Mary who hugs the leg on the chair next to me. Faint screams continue from outside the common room.

"Potter," Mary asks. "Are you all right?"

No. I am becoming preoccupied by memories. "Yes."

She remains unconvinced. "No. I just glanced at you and then you went blank, like you weren't apart of the world anymore."

"I was sleeping." She cannot argue with that.

"No," Mary insists. "Your eyes were open. Like Lily's were earlier. Like you were stuck in a painful memory."

Or maybe she can. "Its nothing, MacDonald."

So they noticed Lily is not the same? Fantastic. Just great. I look in the fire. The flames crackle. The worries of the past can wait. Who knows what dangerous person lurks outside.

"I will talk with who's outside," I share with Mary. "You wait here."

"No," Mary asserts. "I'll come with."

"No. You do know a war is going on."

"So," Mary says blatantly. "I know what can happen. If I survive the mule, I can deal with a person who forgot the password."

But, she was hurt for weeks after Mulciber screwed around with her. She stumbled around scanty and fearful for weeks. Yet, now Mary stands unafraid. She displays the Gryffindor tenacity that proves even damaged lions will fight.

I relent. Together we walk to the door. I make sure I am in front. I first do a detection spell and discover one person.

I peak my head outside recognize an ugly creep. Snape lingers by the door with violet in his hands. His hook-shaped nose leans near the flower. How cute. "Oh, Snivellus, what brings you here? You look smashing. Just like a troll."

Maybe I should have been nicer. But when it comes to Snape, nice is a foreign temperament.

Snape provides his signature glare. "Potter, mud-blood."

Mud-blood, the worst word ever created. I close in. "Don't call her that."

Snape sneers, "I will call her what I want. And you will stay away from Lily. For too long I allowed you to hurt me. Not anymore. Lily's mine."

Mary snorts and it flushes air into my right ear. She taunts, "Like ever. You slimy bugger."

"Yours," I laugh. "I guess you missed the whole display. We're dating now. There's nothing your filthy claws can do about that."

"I'm trying to sleep," the Fat Lady interrupts our dispute. "Can you do this later."

"No, Pheme," I respond. I learned her name thanks to winning a bet.

Before I could say more, Mary charges at Snape with raving emotion.

She hammers with furious emphasizes, "You stood there. Laughing as your friend hurt me. Cursed me. Touched me. You watch and loved it. Watching as your so-called best friend's friend was hurt. Another damn mud-blood you thought. Well I'm not. I am muggle-born and proud. Now, I realize I can scorn you openly without fear. You deserve everything Potter and his friends did."

Lily would disagree to her final statement. She asserts that bulling is wrong. But I find that humiliation is the only way. The only way for dark art perpetrators that injure others to understand the implications of my scorn.

I place a hand on Mary shoulder and whisper, "Excellent speech." Then, I remark to Snape, "You can blame me for whatever. But, all those times Lily has defended you and you never once defended her. You're a doormat. You dragontick."

"James," Lily barks. I look over my shoulder and there she is with her cranky look. Her pupils dilated and chewing her bottom lip. "You agreed not to be mean to him."

"I know, Lily," I reply quietly. "Its just he gets me. You know."

Lily frowns. "If I can stand Pettigrew, you can stand Sev."

"You blame him?" Peter was just a coward. Snape is a snake.

"Yes," Lily exclaims. She then sighs. For a while she stares at me with tired eyes. Finally, she spits out, "What about Harry? Do you even care?"

"I do," I begin. I am just trying not to think about Harry because he reminds me of what can never be. How a life was lost before it could even begin. I want to pretend that Halloween night was fiction. And that is easy with the world around me. This world where my teenage best friends and peers are enjoying life. A world where there is only one other person who knows the significance of the name Harry.

"I do." I repeat. "But, we shouldn't talk about him in front of anyone."

Lily signals a slight wink that she will have the Snape decency and the Harry talk later. She then gasps, "Harry, the reason we first became friends. The wonderful old man that we helped in Hogsmeade that one day."

Right. We need to make sure Snape and Mary do not question too much about Harry. I should continue the fabrication. My specialty. "Right. The man with crazy hair and loved to giggle. We saw he reach for the strange bottle at the apothecary."

Lily interrupts to continue the spiel. "He spilled all those corrosive chemicals on himself. If I didn't know the perfect remedy and you didn't transfigure that paper into a handkerchief, I have no idea how he would have survived unscratched."

I laugh, picturing Harry spilling milk on his cheeks after levitating a bottle with accidental magic.

"He would have found a way," I challenge. "He would have rushed to the emergency ward, waving the bottle like a beater's bat."

Lily makes her voice weary, echoing the anguish I know she truly feels. "I received a letter this morning. He died."

"Oh," I respond. She wants something. Wants me to express sorrow. Emotion I promised myself that I would never reveal in front of Snape.

"Nothing," Lily screeches. "You stand her motionless, like Harry's death is nothing. You don't even care. You're not mourning properly." Tears slip down her cheeks.

"I do care," I protest. "But there are so many people still alive that we can help."

I dissuade Snape's spell that comes my way with a Protego. The spell hits Snape, cutting him and the force causes him to fall on his back.

"James," Lily reprimands. She rushes to repair the curses damage.

"Defense," I explain simply. There was nothing wrong with causing Snape to face his own spell.

Lily nods. "I know. I need so time alone with him."

"Lily," Mary gasps. "No way. Not after what he tried to do."

"Mary's right," I press. "You both are on different sides of the war. A broken friendship is for the best."

Lily shakes her head. "I want to be like you. A person who stands by my friends no matter what."

Oh. Lily, I love you. "All right. Mary lets go."

I holler the password that Sirius said earlier and trounce to the dorm. At first I am lightheaded remembering Lily's final statement. But then her angry words haunt my mind. _Not properly mourning. _Like there is a proper way to mourn.

I hurry to the bathroom. There I find Sirius at the sink entranced by the faucet. He turns and asks, "What did Evans do to you? You look horrible."

I explain, "I'm not the best. But it's not Lily's fault. Someone close to us both died today."

Sirius snorts expressing his disbelief. "Tell me so I can help you."

"Its private. Please ignore it. I need to be alone."

"If that's what you want." My friend whistles a sad sound and leaves the room. He must be exhausted too. If he were truly awake he would have stayed persistent.

Soon I wallow motionless. Lost in an overheated shower. Pressure prickles down my back. Crisp sounds of water encumber my ears. I am just… I am gone.

I disappear into a white abyss. For a few minutes, I see nothing besides the blank landscape, and my arms and hands. I walk without breathing or feeling my pulse. Till, without preamble, a black jackal appears into the strange place. He lowers himself on his hind legs and bows his neck till his nose reaches mine.

I move back slowly from the beast. The jackal's paws quickly pass through my hands like they are transparent.

"Have faith," the jackal chuckles. "I am a messenger. Diago missed some details I must tell you."

"Diago?"

"You refer to him as the bear."


End file.
